The Boromir Villanelles -
Collaborative Mayhem, written with the amazingly talented Flick

Oh! Boromir.…

Oh, Boromir! Thou art a hottie!
The thought, unbidden, unto Aragorn occurred -- a thought, disturbing and a trifle crude.
If I can’t have you, I’ll go dotty!

Although you acted kind of snotty,
what with the shards of Narsil and that stuff about how Gondor needs no king. You were quite rude,
but Boromir, thou art a hottie!

And I’ll admit those green eyes got me,
and that gold hair. And that rare smile (especially when it’s not for me). And that special way you brood.
If I can’t have you, I’ll go dotty!

Even when we’re both quite grotty,
I’m thinking more and more on how you’d look divested of some layers. In fact, let’s face it, nude,
'cause Boromir, thou art a hottie!

If this offends you, you can stop me.
But I’ve been feeling that you’re awfully tense, and I could help you out. I’ll bet you’re not a prude.
If I can’t have you, I’ll go dotty!

Even when we’re both quite grotty
(like now with all the blood) and even when you acted snotty and though by orcs you’re sort of screwed…
still, Boromir, thou art a hottie.
If I can’t have you, I’ll go dotty!

--Flick

Take Me

Aragorn, I am a hottie, it is very true.
You're not so bad yourself - is what I have to say
Did you think I would pass up a ranger stud like you?

Though what we are proposing is often thought taboo
it's not like we could stop the slash-fics anyway —
'cause Aragorn, I'm such a hottie. It is very true.

I could pretend to struggle while my virtue you subdue
and leave me shivering in fetching, manly disarray...
Did you think I could pass up a ranger stud like you?

In fact, I think your whole proposal is long overdue.
I didn't save myself so you could look the other way
for Aragorn, I am a hottie, it is very true.

Ahh, who are we kidding. We both know we want you
clinging to my body like a wizard's bad toupee
Did you think I could pass up a ranger stud like you?

Being Isildur's heir leaves you with a lot to live up to -
but when you enter Gondor, I'll be with you all the way.
Aragorn, I am a hottie, it is very true.
Did you think I would pass up a ranger stud like you?

-- fileg

The Boromir Villanelles -
Collaborative Mayhem, from the Verse And Adversity-verse ,also written with the amazingly talented Flick

A Villanelle for Boromir…. not

I thought I’d write a villanelle,
like Tay wrote once on Rivendell.
Poetic pride my heart did swell.

I’ll use one rhyme my tale to tell.
I’m sure that I can do this well.
Poetic pride my heart did swell.

A snag appeared my heart to quell;
that heart belongs to Boromir.
Oops! … thought I’d write a villanelle,

but with that ‘-mir’ I can’t excell,
‘cause he won’t fit in elven dell.
Poetic pride my heart don’t swell.

It’s true he into shadow fell…
That works! … no more in Minas Tirith for to dwell??
I thought I’d write a villanelle,
But this particular form can go to…

--flick

Chris and I felt so bad that Flick did not actually get to extol the virtues of the Blade of Gondor, that we thought we would help out. (Chris wants me to say that she helped out by trying to stop me. But that would be a lie.)

VillaMir

A villanelle for Boromir
Who traveled Middle Earth’s frontier
To every eye it brought a tear

For in our hearts we hold him dear
And that’s why what we’re writing here
’s a villanelle for Boromir

He was a man who knew no fear
And when he showed his heart sincere
To every eye it brought a tear

As warrior he had no peer
His honor needs not our veneer -
Our villanelle for Boromir

Then, pierced with many an arrow’s spear
Cruel Uruk-Hai dealt wounds severe
To every eye it brought a tear

The Anduin became his bier
And Faramir writes every year
A villanelle for Boromir
To every eye it brought a tear
He should have stayed in Rivendell…


Chris had made me remove the underwear verses to maintain some sense of decorum:

We wish his clothing had been sheer
so we could see beneath his gear
without the need to be a seer

Did he wear garments by St Cyr*
To emphasize his lovely rear?
It would call forth a mighty cheer*

(At least, we never see him prancing around in a black merry widow and fishnets, though what he wore under his mail is open to speculation. If he is dressed like Frank-n-furter under there, Susan Sarandon won’t be the only one singing –“God Bless Lilly St Cyr!)

And Chris made me take out this verse because she said it was Sharpe, not Boromir:

A military engineer,
He could swing from the chandelier
Dependant from his bandolier

Without spilling a drop of beer
Upon the maids who caused his leer;
But only smile and persever

-- fileg and Chris

Why Stop

Why stop at praising Boromir?
Why slight the grand and noble Sharpe?
They both deserve a heartfelt leer.

Although his clothing was not sheer,
At jacket green I would not carp.
Why stop at praising Boromir?

Not swinging from a chandelier,
but charging up the Frenchie’s scarp.
They both deserve a heartfelt leer.

I’d gladly share a friendly beer
or shelter under either’s tarp.
Why stop at praising Boromir?

So Chris and Tay, I do not fear.
I’ll sing their praise upon my harp.
They both deserve a heartfelt leer.

To warriors bold let’s raise a cheer!
Yay, Boromir! Hail, Richard Sharpe!
Why stop at praising Boromir?
They both deserve a heartfelt leer.

-- flick