Play By E-Mail Limericks

When I asked my friend Toby to Beta Read my Denethor villanelle, he told me "I would have Denethor writing poetry that begins - There was an old man from Belfalas..."
It was tooo easy, so I wrote the limerick, and sent it on to him with the first line for a new one. We have been playing back and forth since.

These are silly, smutty and irreverent - they are limericks after all! And putting them in the "poetry" genre made me laugh as hard as the limericks themselves.
Toby does not want play anymore - anyone else want to play??

This was the begining, which I wrote from Toby's throwaway line:

There was an old man from Belfalas
Who brought his young bride to the palace
But had to correct her -
That isn’t the scepter
Now let go of Elessar’s phallus.

Toby wrote back:

There once was a maiden from Nargothrond
Who of Mirkwood elf-boys was mighty fond.
When she spied Legolas
Bare his firm rounded ass
She had to cool off in the Hidden Pond.

Our friend Nan, lover of Legolas, had been getting copies of these emails and she sent us this:

There once was a maiden from Nargothrond
Who had it bad for Elrond
She said to herself
Now that's one hot elf
But then again… where is that blonde?


A singular dwarf is Lord Gimli
In carved halls where torches burn dimly
but there he must stay
for in cold light of day
everyone thinks he is Wilfred Brimley


A mighty long spear had Gil-Galad.
Much longer by far than his father had.
But he sheathed it too quick
Which then caused such a nick
That he lost the full use of his left gonad.

When Toby sent me this starting line, I puzzled over it for a whole day. I still think it is a shameful waste of a rhyme, and I would like to better it

“You will taste manflesh!” said Saruman
“And I’ll teach you to feather and tar a man.”
With a grin added Lurtz
“I’ll bet that really hurts!
And it’s more painful still if you char a man.”

When I got this back from Toby and it wasn't even remotely dirty, I knew the game was over, and indeed he has bowed out now

Ride hard, Arwen, never look back!
Beware the Nine, all clad in black.
When you reach Rivendell
Recite an elf-spell,
And the Bruinen will throw them off-track.

These are much less serious, but were no less fun to construct!


This is a work of fan fiction, written because the author has an abiding love for the works of J R R Tolkien. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema, except for certain original characters who belong to the author of the said work. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for presenting the work on this archive site. The work is the intellectual property of the author, is available solely for private enjoyment, and may not be copied or redistributed by any means without the explicit written consent of the author.


henneth annun
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